It’s a cold November afternoon and I am sitting in The Randolph Hotel in the centre of Oxford sipping a nice cup of tea by an open fire - lovely surroundings and a peaceful time. This causes me to reflect on some coaching that I did right at the beginning of my coaching career with one of the very first coaching clients that I had. My thoughts are centering on the issue of belief by the coach in the coachee. This is an interesting conundrum because if as a coach you cannot believe that the coachee is capable of doing that which they have set as their goal, then are you the right person to coach them? Interestingly, if the goal that the coachee has set themselves is so extreme or so stretching that realistically it is unlikely to happen, then are you not duty bound to raise this with the coachee? – to unrealistically support them in something which ultimately will end in failure can surely be doing no service to the coachee. And so the conundrum…do you support and show belief or do you offer feedback and realism? When I reflect on many of my coaching clients I can see that I have taken both courses of action depending on the unique circumstances of each situation. As a general rule, I would always go for belief in the coachee’s ability and this is underpinned by the belief in excellence that we all have the resources within us that we need. And so what are the circumstances for me that would cause me to question this belief and default to the practical realities of the situation? So where is your starting point and what are the triggers for you that would default to a more questioning set of behaviours?

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A funny thing happened to me the other day. I found myself behaving really rather badly. I was in a bad mood, huffing and puffing around the house, everything seemed just far too much effort and I was grunting at the rest of the family.
I knew that this was down to me and had nothing to do with anybody else. I had got some stuff on my mind and hadn’t slept very well and perhaps I had had one too many glasses of wine the night before – which all contributed to me not being in the best frame of mind.
Whilst there are some physical aspects of this which I know will take some time to pass, I also knew that I had ultimate responsibility for how I felt and how I behaved and that it really was rather unfair to inflict this on everyone else around me. A quick talking to myself and some apologies to my family accompanied by an explanation that this had only to do with me, bought me some time and space to get myself sorted and in a better frame of mind.
Ultimately, any one of us can only change ourselves and whilst external influences may affect us, the only way we can deal with the situations we find ourselves in is to look to ourselves and recognise the choices we have and the personal responsibility we need to take for our own behaviour.
Very often in my coaching I have clients who are longing for situations to change, for scenarios to be different and for relationships to improve and their immediate focus is to look at what others can do and how others can change and how situations could be altered to support them. When the coachee realises that the only person they have control over is themselves, this empowers them to consider options, have choice and take control.
Who and what controls you?

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I am really excited to welcome you to my blog page. This, with my new web site has taken two years to achieve! It is the coming together of so many things and enables me to share with you. So much of all our learning is available to us in the moment….I wonder how much we take in and how much we miss?

Here is an opportunity to capture ‘moments’ and reflections to share with you. There is also an opportunity for you to respond and share your thoughts on the learning as it unfolds.

I look forward to sharing with you……
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This is the first time I have ever written my own blog….I have read others and enjoyed the messages and thoughts that have been posted as a result. It is an interesting medium, on the one hand it feels very intimate and private and yet on the other it is a most ‘public’ way of sharing thoughts and experiences. This has similarities to my experience of telephone coaching; some individuals clearly prefer to be coached on the phone….able to express themselves very freely….not hindered by the physical presence of a coach; and others feeling uncomfortable without the physical and visual presence of their coach.. I was discussing this with some other coaches and there is also a split preference here, some happy to telephone coach; some prefering this method and others clearly stating that this is not their preference at all.

I am currently working with the leadership of a very large, UK based organisation, giving 360o feedback over the telephone and I am having a ‘ball’. With no prior knowledge of the individuals or their roles, except their 360o report received a few days prior to our appointment; I carefully read their feedback and prepare my observations and thoughts/questions. This, combined with my immediate perceptions whilst questionning and listening to them is proving to be fascinating. I am able to remain completely objective and take a very clear overview, often able to cut straight through to the key areas for each individual. This is very intriging for me and is challenging some of my beliefs of how much rapport I need to build with clients before I can ask what needs to be asked….I would be very interested to hear your thoughts on coaching face to face versus the telephone, and is there a future for coaching via web cam?….

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